The Chaser's War on Fanfics
by georgiagallifrey
Summary: Find out what happens behind the scenes of the best comedy show of 2006/7! With Andrew Hansen, Chas Licciardello, Chris Taylor, Craig Reucassel, Julian Morrow and the only female cast member: Marceline Samson!
1. Chapter 1

Marceline sat on Andrew desk, trying to balance the pencil above her lip. She had been attempting for a while, much to his annoyance.

"Jesus Marce, can't you do something a little more productive? Get me some coffee." She shook her head after the pencil dropped in front of him.

"Nope, that bet wore off ages ago. _You_ get _me_ the coffee now." Marceline stood up from the desk, tapped the pencil on her skull. "When is Chas getting back? I need to go through some Today Tonight with him." Andrew shrugged.

"His Bulldogs stunt is going through court right now." He stretched out, spinning on his chair and facing her. "Can you at least boil the jug?"

She grinned, her slightly pointed teeth in full display. Chris always said she reminded him of a vampire. She happily agreed. "Nope. Not your assistant."

"I'll give you $50 to piss off. How's that?"

She pretended to be hurt. "Is that all I'm worth? $50? Even the hookers you pay to get you coffee earn more." Andrew raised an eyebrow.

"Go away." Marceline sulked.

"Fine. But if you think I'm going to go with you on that Spruiker stunt, you're wrong."

"But I need you!" He protested.

"Hansen, as much as I love those words, you've talked yourself out of it."

"But you come up with all the best puns. I mean, 'Eddie McGuire has been Eddie McFired'?" She shrugged and headed over to the desk, a few away from Andrew's. "I take it back?"

She smiled and winked. "Okay, because you said nicely."

"Victory!" Chas cried, emerging from the lift.

"Our little criminal got off the hook?" Marceline clapped along with Andrew. Chas strutted down the walkway, bowing to Marceline who pretended to blush.

"No cell can hold the mighty Chas!"

"Which is why we send you to do the highly illegal stunts."

"Marceline wouldn't last in prison." She frowned.

"Not tough enough?" Andrew grinned.

"Too tough."

"Damn straight!" She laughed. Chas sat in his desk, turning on the computer. It was directly opposite Marceline's, who would always lean over his wall, peering down. Like she was doing right now. "So how did you get off?"

"Not without my help." One of the many ABC lawyers answered, Mike Strait. "It took me a lot to seduce the judge. A right pain in the arse, literally, and do not expect it next time." Chas saluted.

"The service and sacrifice you provide will forever be known." Mike laughed as he turned the corner and disappeared from the Chaser offices.

"You're kidding!" Andrew cried from the desk, taking off the earphones he had just put on. Marceline straightened up, interested.

"What's wrong? Stumbled upon Chris's online porn stash?" Chas stood up and as well.

"Or Craig's?" Andrew shook his head; hand over his now smiling mouth.

"Better." Chas frowned.

"Marceline's?" She shot him a look. Andrew beckoned them over.

The screen was showing an episode of Fox News. Bill O'Reilly was frozen mid sentence. "And?" Marceline shrugged. Andrew rolled his eyes and played it back.

"-And it seems to me, that this kid was having a lot more fun than with his old parents…" Marceline held up a finger.

"Um, that was about the kid abused story wasn't it?" Andrew nodded. "And Bill just said that he probs had more fun with the molester." Again he nodded. Marceline frowned. "What. A. Wanker." Chas was grinning.

"He is asking for a kick. You two have to address that in the next 'Fox News' segment."

"Stupid Bill O'Reilly. Yes, he _clearly _knows what kids like." She wrinkled her nose, sitting on the edge of her desk. "Maybe he'll open a fucking summer camp." The room was silent, then Andrew and Chas smiled.

"Perfect!" Marceline frowned.

"You're worse than him." Andrew shook his head.

"No, but it would be a brilliant joke. And the people that would work there would be paedophiles." She couldn't supress a smile.

Chas grinned. "I know the perfect ones." Andrew looked around the office, faking innocence.

"Oh, us?" Chas rolled his eyes.

"Duh."

Marceline frowned. "You play one better."

Chas shook his head. "Your segment, you play it. Plus, it will be refreshing having a chick paedophile."

"Yes, because there's not a lot of us. We're a dying breed." She replied sarcastically heading back for her desk.

"Macca's run!" Julian called out, Craig behind him carrying the rest of the food. Andrew and Marceline wrinkled their noses at the fast food, but smiled when Craig handed him a salad roll and Marceline sushi. She blew him a kiss. He grabbed it and ate it.

"Chris not back?" She said between chomps of seaweed. Julian looked around.

"He's not here? Weird." He threw a paper bag at Chas and fished a burger from his own. "I thought he would have been finished by now."

"What was he doing?" Craig shoved chips into his mouth.

"Was it the sunrise thing?" Marceline asked, pouring soy sauce onto her lunch. Andrew smiled.

"Yeah, that was it. Fucking brilliant. I remember Kochie's face."

"My favourite bit is always 'get the _fuck_ out of my life'." Marceline grinned, pointing her chopsticks at Andrew. "It's just a bombshell. Comes out of nowhere."

"Did you guys actually do some work? Or did we just watch re-runs of Today Tonight." Craig asked.

"That's all I ever do." Chas shook his head. "But no."

"Found some more material for 'Fox News'. Tell them Hansen."

"Marce had a idea for a paedophile summer camp." The silence was hilarious.

"Not a little side project that you're working on I hope?" Julian raised an eyebrow at her.

She rolled her eyes. "_No_. It was within context. Just reflecting what some butthead said on the news."

"Okay, you are the only person I know who says butthead. Well other than my kids of course." Craig slurped his coke. Marceline shrugged.

"Just because I don't have a more creative grasp on the Queen's English." She stood and stretched, walking over the window and standing in a sunbeam. Her red hair looked on fire from the light. She closed her eyes and sighed. "I'd kill for a nap right now."

"Or a drink." Andrew added.

"Some E." Craig offhandedly said.

"Blood of my enemies." Chris said as he opened the door from the stairwell.

"Nah, ruined it." Marceline opened an eye from her spot in the sun. Chris shrugged.

"Sunrise ruined mornings."

"Yeah, what took you so long Tales?" Chris leaned over a snatched a chip off Chas.

"Traffic. Half of George Street backed up." Marceline looked out the window.

"So it is."

"Marce that's the wrong road. George street's on the other side."

"Sure?" She leaned closer, too far as she smacked her head on the glass. The guys broke into laughter. "Ow." She rubbed her nose. "Tell the window cleaners they do too good of a job." She walked over and sat next to Craig, finishing the last of her sushi. The group continued eating, Marceline stealing chips from Craig with her chopsticks despite getting punched for it. Soon they all got up and resumed positions at their desks. A few minutes later, a young boy walked out of the lift, pushing around a trolley.

"Hi guys!" he slightly shouted, pushing over the trolley. "Mail." He handed a bundle to everyone and stood for a split second before leaving.

"Threats, threats, bills, threats…" Andrew said, shifting through his always bigger pile. Marceline had a few, picking up one and opening it.

"'Get off TV you slut.'" She frowned and continued reading. "Well, that's hardly polite."

"Wait, what?" Chas said, standing up and leaning over his wall. Marceline knotted her eyebrows, while tapping her fingers on the desk.

"'You are not funny and clearly on for the ride. You probably shag them all once the cameras turn off'."

"I wish." Craig said light heartedly, but caught Chas' face. "Who sent that?" She shrugged.

"Some angry dude who wouldn't know what a dictionary was even if it was smacked across his fucking face." She said it so calmly, it sounded angrier.

"Can I read it?" Chas asked, Marceline handing it over. "Yikes. This is brutal." She stared out the window, eyes narrowed. "Not even going to repeat that bit."

"What's that, Ruey?" She nodded to Craig, who lifted up a letter.

"A hate one as well." She got up and read his. "Basically about my chainsaw stunt."

"But doesn't call _you_ a slut among 'actually funny guys'."

"I'm sure the bastard doesn't mean it. Even if he did, ignore him." Chris offered, staring at her from under his glasses. Marceline nodded and folded her arms.

"I guess. It still hurts."

"Did he actually suggest for you to get a sex change in order to be funnier?" Chas said in amazement. Marceline curled her lip.

"That's just fucking ridiculous." Chris stated. "Please don't let it get to you."

"Oh I won't." She sat back down and pulled out pen and started writing on paper. "I'm going to reply."

"You can't abuse him." Julian said. She shook her head.

"Of course not. I'm going to agree with him." Chas was confused.

"Yeah, that'll teach him?" A few minutes later, Marceline cleared her throat.

"'Dear faithful ABC viewer, I thank you for your letter. It really made me understand what the silly goose I had been, thinking I'd be able to compete with men in the tv game. I should be in kitchen! Thank you for letting me see the error of my ways. I'm making the Chaser guys a sandwich as we speak. I will try in the future to close my legs and never express an ounce of sexuality, because how dare I? As for that sex change, I believe I'll take it. It will be more beneficial to my career to be a man after all. Yours most fucking sincerely, Marceline Samson.'" She slammed the paper on the desk and stood, walking quickly away and headed into the bathroom. She placed her hands on the sink, stared into the mirror and sighed.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey Marce." Andrew said, opening the bathroom door. She turned around and raised an eyebrow.

"You do know that this is the ladies bathroom, right?" He shrugged, walking over and leaning against the sink.

"Well, after getting that sex change of yours better get used to us sharing a bathroom."

She curled her lip. "Not funny."

"Oh, but it its." He smiled. "For you see, what _he_ says, that one person doesn't matter. Who gives a shit? Joke about it! In this industry, even the best get shat on." She frowned.

"Okay, gross Hansen. But I get it. Don't let it get to me. Thick skinned." He nodded.

"Good, now I can say something about your terrible dancing."

"_Ow!_"

Andrew's yell from the bathroom confirmed he'd said something stupid. "Only took him less then two minutes." Chris didn't even look up from his computer screen.

"Didn't expect anything less from him." Julian added.

"She packs a hard punch." Craig looked towards the bathroom, seeing Andrew cradling his arm. "Although you bruise like a nine-year old Hansen." He narrowed his eyes at him while Marceline sat back at her desk and flopped her head down.

"Marce, what was that thing from Today Tonight you wanted to show me?" Chas asked, hoping to change the subject. She waved her arm.

"Don't worry about. I'll just write up that summer camp sketch." A few hours passed, Julian and Craig left to write a few scenes of the 'In Other News' and Chris to finish a song. Andrew was fiddling with his guitar, finishing cords for the Comedy song so it was Chas who listened to her pitch for the summer camp sketch.

"Okay, shoot." Chas sat in his chair, listening. Marceline coughed, and did her best advertising voice.

"'Hey kids! Wanna have the time of your life? Than come to Camp O'Reilly! Our friendly staff' meaning me and Hansen 'are more fun than your old parents!' I think it would be funny to have one of us was like abusing a toy or something, 'Stay for the summer and leave with a lifetime of psychological scars!' I want Hansen to be really disturbing and say at the end, 'Why would you ever want to leave' or something like that." She stopped, looking up from the computer. "Well?"

"Loved it." Chas grinned. "Especially the 'why would you ever want to leave?' Brilliant." They discussed costumes when Chas said, "Go tell Andrew, he'll be starring in it. I'll talk to wardrobe and see about some fake beards. Actually, you go after, a shit load of 'A Current Affairs' to catch up on." She saluted him and walked over to Andrew, strumming away.

"-or you could go the other way and show off your arse!" He sung, slamming his fingers down the guitar. Marceline winced.

"No thanks. Keep it in your pants." Andrew looked at her and grinned.

"Not bad cords though. Thinking about getting the audience not to laugh after, keep the effect going."

"It will be hard, because you're just so laughable."

"I try." He fluttered his eyelashes. "You have that summer camp thing?" She nodded and recited it. His crooked smile was a comfort to her. "Love it. Who would be dry humping the toy though?"

She shrugged. "You or me. Doesn't matter."

"You can. I'll say that last bit." Andrew nodded. "Also, the voice-over guy. You not dibbing that?" She shook her head. "Cool, I'll say that then. Your voice-overs suck anyway."

"Rude." Marceline rolled her eyes and ran her fingers through her wild hair. "But fair. Reckon you could give it a quick run through?" he nodded and narrated it, much better than Marceline could. "Great, Chas was going to wardrobe but he needs to catch up on 'A Current Affair'. You wanna tag?"

Andrew exhaled then shook his head. "I should finish this. But you go ahead. I'll catch up."

Marceline agreed and headed back to her desk and picked up her i.d. tag. "Wardrobe's on the…"

"3rd floor, Marce." Andrew answered, not looking up. "You could get lost in a one-way hedge maze." Marceline smiled and walked towards the lift. It soon _dinged_ and she walked inside, flipping Andrew as the doors closed. He just missed a reply.

Soon she arrived and headed down a long hallway. After asking two people she found it, swiping her i.d. and headed in. A young man with round glasses sat on a stool, sewing a red shirt. He glanced up and smiled, bowing.

"The wonderful Marceline graces us with her presence." She walked up, hand on her hip.

"Us, Jamie?"

"Of course!" Behind her was a voice, however coming from a rack of costumes. The clothes were parted to reveal an older woman with measuring tape around her neck.

"Shirley. Knew it was you." Marceline winked. She winked back.

"Liar. Anyway, what can we do for you?"

"Paedophile costumes." Shirley raised an eyebrow, but asked no questions.

"For…?" Jamie enquired, setting aside the red shirt.

"Me and Hansen." He nodded, hand to his chin.

"Fake beard, trench coat, glasses. That's him sorted." Shirley said, wrapping the measuring tape around Marceline's waist. "Put a bit on last time I measured you." She said cheekily. Marceline wrinkled her nose.

"Quiet you. And me?"

Jamie scratched his chin. "Glasses, frizz your hair even more, long nails, crooked teeth-"

"I'm a paedophile, not a banshee." Marceline folded her arms, slightly annoyed.

Jamie grinned. "Sorry, getting carried away. You can have a trenchie as well. Happy?"

"Ecstatic. Stop measuring me!" She said to Shirley, stepping away from her reach. Shirley grinned.

"Oh, stop carrying on. We'll get it all sorted and send it up to you."

"By?"

Jamie picked up the shirt, snipping a bit of thread. "Before the end of the week."

"It's Thursday." Marceline said in a dead tone. Jamie just smiled.

"We'd better hurry then. Go on." Shirley basically threw her out before closing the door. Pouting, Marceline headed up to the offices on the 4th floor. However, when she stepped out of the lift, it was empty.

"Well shit. If they went on a stunt without me-"

"BOO!" Marceline grabbed her chest, her heart beating fast.

"You son of a bitch!" She punched Chas who had been standing behind her in the gut. He grinned slightly in pain.

"Got ya."

"Well, I got you." She retorted. "Where's Hansen gone?"

"Recording. Just you and me."

"Brilliant." She rolled her eyes.

Chas sat back at his desk. Marceline followed him. "What did wardrobe come up with?"

"Usual. Glasses, beard, trench coat. I however get frizzier hair, crooked teeth and longer dirty nails."

"What a mental image." Chas leaned back, smiling at his thought. Marceline frowned.

"Cut it."

"Okay, okay." He held up his hands.

"Success!" Chris said, entering the offices.

Marceline turned to face him. "Hm?"

He rolled his eyes. "The song, Marce. I was stuck for about a month on it?"

"Oh!" She remembered. "Right. You finished it?" He exhaled, handing the laptop over to her.

"Finally." She opened it up and read. She wrinkled her nose, sticking out her tongue.

"Ha, nope, you're screwed Tales." Chas smiled and laughed. Chris pouted. Whenever Marceline found something odd or unfunny; she would poke out her tongue.

"What's wrong?" She pointed at the line. "That?"

"Just that bit. Hits the ear wrong. This is that Pauline one, isn't it?" Chris nodded. Marceline sat down and typed on the computer. "There, it has the right amount of syllabus and rhyme."

Chris put the glass he had shoved on his head to his nose and read her fix. A smile spread. "'Pump you full of white supremacy'? Only you could come up with that." Marceline grinned and shrugged.

"What can I say? I'm good at the old innuendo."

"Not any better at getting it." Chas said under his breath. She threw a pen at him.

"Enough from you, Hairy MaClary." He frowned at his unfortunate nickname penned by Marceline. He threw the pen back.

"Do you need anything else while I'm standing here?" Chris asked, tucking the laptop under his arm. Marceline titled her head and clicked her tongue, staring lustfully.

"Could think of a few things." He smiled but walked away.

"Maybe later Marce."

"That's 'sweetie pie' to you, sugar buns!" She called out to him. He turned around and winked.

"You have more sexual tension with him than Andrew does with all of us." Chas laughed, leaning back in his chair. Marceline turned around and considered, nodding.

"That's a hell of a lot of tension. But no." She added seriously. Marceline suddenly looked at her Mickey Mouse watch. "Shit, that's the time?"

"What's happening?" Chas asked, Marceline giving him a 'are you serious' face. He realised. "Oh, right! Recordings!"


	3. Chapter 3

Marceline sighed. "No, rehearsal." Chas frowned.

"Oh."

"Not Tuesday."

Chas shrugged. "Right."

Marceline stood up and re-arranged her hair. "If I have problems with direction, you have problems with time." He grinned.

"Let us never compete for the Amazing Race. We'd end up in Tokyo."

"A year too late." Marceline added. They shut down computers and organised anything left on their desks. Then Marceline asked, "Okay, where is the rehearsing room again?"

On the same floor, a few hallways and corridors away was the rehearse room. It was a simple large room with chairs and tables; the group would rehearse and practice the scripts to get them right for the actual taping. A few producers were sitting among them, along with the censor and supervisor. Even though it was just a rehearsal, Marceline sneaked a shot. Everyone knew that she suffered slightly from nerves, and a shot beforehand helped. Who knows how many before the actual recordings.

"Is everyone here?" Chris said, handing out scripts.

"Has Marceline had her shot yet?" Andrew asked, Marceline raising an imaginary glass to him. He laughed.

"Chris, sit your fat ass down. We're all here and ready to go." Craig shouted, grinning and leaning back in his chair. Chas put his foot under the leg that was in the air and lifted it, Craig swearing as he was knocked backwards. Marceline gave Chas a high-five.

"You're right, it will probably take us a week to get through this, given the amount of times you will have to repeat it due to your stutter." Craig flipped him.

Despite that, Craig started. "Good evening and welcome to the war for another queek-" Craig swore as he mispronounced 'week'. Everyone laughed.

"That took 3 seconds!" Marceline held her sides.

"That's 1 for the tally board!" Julian said as he drew a line in texta on a piece of paper.

"Oh, fuck off." Craig growled, but still smiled small. He repeated the line, without mistakes and him and Chris finished the intro. Marceline and Julian presented a sketch, Andrew and Chas did the Current Affairs, Craig and Julian did 'In Other News' and Marceline presented her segment about feminism. Chris added that a few ads were going to play in between a few segments and informed them it ended on an Ad Road Test. Marceline presented this as well, as she was in the sketch. Andrew recited his farewell and finished. They repeated this twice, and then decided it was perfect. They headed back up to the offices.

"Are we heading out?" Julian asked as he counted the 5 stutters from Craig and added it to the grand total. Andrew looked over at Chris who shrugged.

"Not sure. Can everyone come?" The time was late, and usually if they worked longer, dinner was organised in the city. "Chas?" He considered then agreed.

"I can come, the wifey said she was looking after the younglings tonight." Craig replied, shoving things into a backpack.

"How is Oscar?" Marceline asked, putting on her coat. Craig smiled.

"Still thinks I'm a builder." Both of them laughed.

"Marce? You coming?" Marceline checked her watch and curled her lip.

"I can shift it."

"Shift what?" asked Chas as he put on a jacket.

"Oh, Jills wanted me to help her move some things." Everyone 'ooohed'. "Oh shut up."

"You guys moving in yet?" Andrew asked, while behind Marce Craig was making faces. Marce scrunched up her face.

"No. _Friends_. Jesus." She rolled her eyes and wrapped a scarf around her neck. "Jus because you make out, doesn't mean you're going out. Honestly." She put on gloves. "If that was true, Andrew would have a million girlfriends."

Andrew smiled. "Still a million less than you." He shot back. Marceline laughed along with the others. They all headed into the lift and continued talking until they left the ABC building. It was Marceline's turn to chose. The last rays on sun still rayed through the buildings of the big city, the coolness of night already being felt.

"Let me guess, one of those little underground hipster places, right?"

"You know me too well, Chris." Marceline replied, heading into a colourful alley decorated by impressive graffiti. Fairy lights aligned the walls and across the space above their heads. It was a little bar and restaurant slightly Mexican themed. They chose a big booth at the back, Andrew and Marceline squished in the middle.

"I have no idea why I am always in the middle. I have the bladder of a nine year old!"

"Even so, we're not moving out for you." Julian picked up a menu.

"Great, I'll have to crawl under the table."

"Nothing you're not used too." Chris said offhandedly.

While everyone laughed, Marceline held up her hands. "Wonderful. It's 'pick on Marceline' day."

"We can go all night." Craig grinned, sculling a beer he somehow obtained.

10 minutes and lots of arguing later, they ordered and waited. Marceline sipped on her lemon lime and bitters.

"Come on Marce", Julian, "That's barely a drink."

"Still a liquid." She shrugged.

"But it's prissy." He continued.

"Who are you to define 'prissy'?" She asked, hand on hip. The whole table groaned. "What?"

"Leave it Marce. Save the debates for later." Andrew smiled behind his drink. She left it.

"Fine." Food soon came and the conversation turned thin. Julian and Craig left early due to kids, leaving the four of them. After a challenge of shots between Chas and Chris, they left, leaving Andrew and Marceline. It was usually them who stayed behind. Living within walking distance of each other always lead to car pools home, where Andrew would walk to Marceline's, then his.

"Cheers mate, keep the change!" Marceline paid the driver and waved him off. The corner of the street was darker than usual, Andrew looking up and frowning as the street light flickered.

"Ought to fix that. I swear it's been a year."

"Nah, it was like that when I moved in." Marceline looked up as well. Andrew shrugged.

"Oh well. Come on Marce, long walk ahead." Despite having no alcohol, Marceline found it hard to stay straight. She let out a huge yawn. "Wow, what was that?" He laughed as Marceline yawned again.

"Oh you don't hear it? Every night that bloody guy from next door is fixing something, moving something or shagging something. Does my head in! Which is why I'm always so tired."

"You talked to him?" Marceline shook her head.

"Nah, never home when I am. Or asleep."

"Ear plugs."

"Always fall out."

He laughed. "No pleasing you, is there?"

"What can I say?" She beamed and kicked a rock on the footpath. "By the way, have you asked that girl out yet?" Andrew's ears suddenly turned red.

"What girl?" He replied dumbly. Marceline grinned.

"Oh yeah right, 'what girl'. You know what I mean! She comes in everyday at the ABC shop and every time you will pop down for a 'coffee break'." She air quoted. "Come on, spill your guts!"

"Marce, you totally have it wrong!" He tried reasoning, but she would have none of it.

"More like totally have it right! You should so go for it. Ask her out. Invite her to yours to watch Doctor Who or play video games or whatever it is you do." Andrew grinned. "Wouldn't hurt to try."

"No."

"You are such a flop." Marceline rolled her eyes while Andrew laughed in disbelief.

"Wait, what am I?" He brushed his fingers through his messy hair. "Honestly, you are the worst at swearing and name-calling."

"Keeping it interesting, dog butt." She side-stepped a pile of litter and scratched her chin. Soon a block of terrace houses appeared and Marceline reached inside her black satchel for keys. Andrew was glancing at the house next to hers, and saw a light on.

"That the loud guy's place?" She looked up and nodded.

"Yeah." He chewed his lip.

"Want me to say something?" Marceline smiled as she pulled out the keys.

"Oh, don't worry. I'll be alright."

"You sure? I'll do it. Won't take a second." He insisted, pulling himself into his best fighting stance

Marceline unlocked the iron gate and stood on the small veranda. "Good night Andy. See you tomorrow." She flicked on the light and fumbled with the front door. Andrew nodded and shoved his hands in his coat.

"Alright, see you later." His eyes met the path and he put one foot in front of the other. How did Marce know about that girl? He decided that she followed him every time but it still seemed illogical. He shrugged. So what? No one said he had to actually _say_ something to the girl, even know it would probably be a normal thing to do, instead of staring. _Meh, too tired for _this. Andrew was so lost in thoughts he almost missed his apartment and walk into a tree.

"Shit!" He stopped quickly and missed the bark by centimetres. Turning and heading the right way, he unlocked the gates and the front door, heading up the stairs as the elevator had been broken for a month. Still, the climbing did wonders for his skinny thighs. After what felt like an ice age he reached his 4th level door and pushed it open.

The room always looked the same, not matter how many times Marceline had moved things around for him, usually without permission. Andrew mindlessly wandered into his room and collapsed on the bed. Reluctantly he wiggled out of his clothes and into his Doctor Who pyjamas. If only the girl from the ABC shop could see him now. In the dark he headed for back for bed. A hard thunk and a few swears confirmed that Marceline had rearranged his bedside tables. Again. He mentally noted to give her a kick tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

Andrew found himself unusually well rested. His knee still hurt from the bedside tables though. Oh yeah, must remember Marce's present.

Craig woke up as he usually did, with Olly jumping on his stomach shouting for him to get up. He grinned nevertheless and tackled him on the sheets.

Yawning and rubbing his head, Chris found himself on his bedroom floor, one leg still on the bed and tangled in sheets. Shrugging, he stayed where he was and slept for five more minutes.

The alarm went off and Chas knocked it to the floor. He refused to open his eyes or get up. Jocelyn gave him a soft kick. "Come on", she murmured, "get out before I kick you harder." The alarm went off again and Chas yelped as he received a harder kick.

"Jules! You'll be late!" At the call, he awoke instantly and smiled at the smell of breakfast. He instantly threw the sheets off and raced to the kitchen, smile fading as the remains of food were gobbled by his kids. Lisa quickly popped the last toast in her mouth and grinned triumphantly. He folded his arms. "Right, you're all grounded."

Marceline had been staring at the ceiling since 3am. It was now 7. Another loud _thunk_ was heard and she shut her eyes and moved the pillow's ends to her ears. "What is he even doing?" She whispered, not really wanting an answer.

"Oh yeah baby!" came a loud response. "Give it too me!"

Marceline wailed. "Jesus Christ." Five minutes later, she crawled out of bed and was blocked from exiting her room. Catsby, her black cat, was laid across the entrance, snoring. Frowning, she flicked his nose, closing her eyes as he leapt up and raced away. Smiling, she then instantly dropped it when another bang was heard. Marceline forced herself on her feet and moved to the kitchen. It was small, but Marceline liked cosy, despite the guys' protests whenever dinner was held at hers. It was usually followed by 'fuck off'. She leaned over to peek into the fruit bowl, chewing her lip when she found it empty. Marceline harshly pulled open the small red Smeg fridge, and pulled out milk.

"Might as well drown my sorrows in coffee." She picked up her striped dressing gown off the floor, put it on and scratched her head. The bumbling of the kettle on the stove was healing. A knock on the door was heard. "What!" She screeched, sick of bangs, crashes and knocks. She got a laugh in response.

"Marce! It's Andrew. Is it safe to enter the premises?"

"Not if you value your life!" She found herself smiling anyway, heading for the door.

"It's fine, my life's not worth that much." She opened the door to the ready and beaming Andrew who couldn't help but grin at her, still in pjs and bird nest hair.

"Jug's just boiled." Andrew brushed his shoes on the mat and headed inside, closing the door behind him. Marceline was cutting the bruises off an apple she fished from the bottom of the crisper. Andrew winced.

"That apple is 97% bruises." She shrugged.

"More for the garden I guess." The jug whistled and Marceline picked it up in one hand, opened a cupboard and pulled out to mugs with the other. She placed them down, scooped in coffee and poured the water. Andrew leaned over and found her scratching Catsby's stomach with her toe. He was impressed.

"Quite the multi-tasker, aren't you?"

Marceline took a bow. "It's what we women to best, other than childbirth." She bent over and grabbed spoons from the cupboard. She added milk and stirred. Andrew did his own.

"Rough night?" Marceline inhaled the hot fumes and sighed.

"How could you tell?"

She put her cup and pulled off the hair tie from around her wrist. "Looks like you spent it in hell."

"Was up since 3." Marceline said with the tie between her teeth as she gathered hair and restrained it. Andrew felt Catsby rubbing against his leg. "At 7, you hear me, at 7 he was fucking." She widened her eyes and waved her arms. "Who does that? What time zone is his fucking biological clock set too?" Andrew smiled and shrugged.

"I still reckon talk to him." She wrinkled her nose.

"Trust me, not one for conversation. Putting out my bins, he was there, looked me up and down, I think moaned and walked back inside. I immediately took a shower."

Andrew took a seat on one of the three bars stools and drummed his fingers on counter. He quickly looked at his watch. "How long would it take you to get ready?" Marceline chewed her lip.

"Why? Cab here?"

He frowned. "10 minutes." She stared him down.

"You're Satan, you know that?" Andrew grinned childishly.

"Keeping you on your toes!" Marceline quickly left for her room and kicked the door closed. Stripping, she then searched her room for those jeans that were still okay for one more day. She found it under the bed. Bra, check. Undies, check. Oh right, a top. She opened her cupboard and frowned.

"7 minutes!" Andrew called.

"Go to hell!" She called back. Marceline sighed and grabbed a flannel shirt, which flannels were basically half her wardrobe. If Chris turned up with the same one, she'll kill him. She forced her foot in a black boot, falling over and landing on the other. "Shit!" Andrew knocked on the door. "Decent." Andrew opened it and instantly closed his eyes.

"You haven't buttoned up your shirt."

Marceline looked down, indeed she didn't. She blew a loose strand of hair from her eyes. "Yes I have boobs. The secret's out. You think you could find me my satchel?" Andrew's eyes avoided her.

"Yep, sure. Kitchen a good start?" She waved him away as she tied laces. Arching her back, she pulled the other shoe from under her and shoved it on. Marceline looked down and thought best to button her top. The bathroom was just across and she splashed water on her face and grabbed her makeup bag. Marceline sniffed her pits. She grabbed deodorant and applied.

"Found it!" Andrew called out. "Also put your coffee in a travel mug."

"You are a saint!"

"I thought it was Satan." He grinned. Marceline raced back in the kitchen.

"Argue and you will be." She shoved a take away container in her bag, three white folders and her sunnies. Andrew locked the back door while she fed Catsby and shoved dishes in the sink.

"Ready?" He asked by the front door. "Taxi's here."

"One sec!" She checked keys, wallet, phone, water and other things. She was ready. "Yep! Head out." Andrew nodded and closed the door, meeting the cabbie. Marceline locked the door and closed the door. She flew down the front steps and closed the gate, Andrew kicking open the door. She slid in and strapped on her belt. She sighed and closed her eyes.

"Oh, nearly forgot." Marceline opened her eyes to find Andrew giving her a hard kick.

"Ow! What was that for, dick!" He curled his lip.

"That was for rearranging my bedside tables!" Marceline rolled her eyes.

"Go to hell." Andrew held up something in his hand.

"Also forgot this." Marceline frowned at the coffee mug and snatched it, poking out her tongue. Andrew mirrored her. "Real mature."


End file.
